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For the Sake of the Gospel

When thinking about my journey to GEM it’s hard to find the best starting point. While there was a momentary decision to step into partnership with GEM, the Lord has so intentionally and intricately worked in my life to lead me to this point. I find it hard to discern what to say because I couldn’t simply state what I’m stepping into without sharing a testament of the goodness and faithfulness of God, and for that, I could write a book.

The past couple of years of my life has been nothing short of amazing. Throughout my time in college, the Lord has used so much to draw me near to Him, grow my faith, and sanctify me. Never have I understood the Gospel more, nor have I known the love and grace of God in such a real way. Time and time again He has revealed to me His faithfulness (2 Corinthians 1:20) and steadfast love (1 John 4:7-21). Time and time again I’ve been reminded of my own brokenness and need for forgiveness, and I’ve been brought to my knees in awe of how He has delivered and redeemed me (Isaiah 53, Romans 5). And time and time again I’ve been reminded of the gift it is to share such a great truth with others, as well as the blessing it is to have received this mission from the Lord (Isaiah 52:7, Acts 1:8)! Through homeless ministry, church outreach, youth groups, and classroom teaching, the Lord has broken my heart for the lost and grown in me a deep love for the Gospel. I have been blessed to see His beauty and wonder through knowing His sons and daughters, and I have had the opportunity to know His character and love more by doing life with them. It was through this time of growth that the Lord introduced me to and called me to serve with GEM after graduating college and to teach in one of their gospel-saturated schools. In all the uncertainty of life and the constant discovery and discerning that takes place in all seasons, the Lord has made one thing abundantly clear:  all my days will be spent building the Kingdom and sharing the truth of His love (Acts 20:24). Of course, this is the call of all Christ-followers, but sometimes it takes time for this truth to really penetrate the heart. Overall I have learned more and more that we are to live our lives on mission to love others as Christ has loved us. Every day we wake up we are stepping onto the mission field, that’s 365 opportunities a year to be a light and share the Gospel. My heart has been heavy with the burden to reach the unreached and follow His will to any and every nation He leads me to. And for the next two years, He has led me to Puerto Escondido. I couldn’t be more excited and expectant for all He will do!! He has never let me down, and in everything He has far exceeded and totally crumbled my expectations, so I know He’ll be faithful to do it again!!

The overall mission of the GEM is to share the gospel around the world through education that is quality, affordable, and accessible. My role within this, most straightforwardly, is to be one of those missionaries providing education. The Lord had equipped me through my time at school to step into this role of educator. However, I believe my role goes beyond that of the classroom because I believe the ministry and mission the Lord calls us into is an all-encompassing one. One thing He has really taught me is that effective evangelism is rooted in relationships and consistency. Yes, the Gospel can be shared in a moment with words and a seed is planted (which is great because His word never returns void), but growth and roots are seen in longevity, in discipleship. The Gospel we share is one of love, yet we live in a world where love is a lost concept, an unknown idea, or a twisted mutation of what it should be. Therefore, it takes relationship and consistency to display the love that we are speaking of. And relationship and consistency will often go beyond the classroom walls. So my role with GEM, in Mexico, and everywhere the Lord has called me is to continue to let Him saturate every area of my life with His love, so that in every season and all moments His love can be found. Whether in the school building, on the beach, or at the market, my job is to share the Gospel.

To share our God.

To be His light.

And while I know I have much growing and sanctifying to do, this is my prayer for how He may work in me and through me, as well as all my fellow missionaries!

This is an INCREDIBLY condensed summary of how the Lord led me to and prepared my heart to serve with GEM, there’s plenty more to be said of His goodness through that journey. I hope you can join us in prayer as we move to our new homes and begin to live and serve here all for the sake of the Gospel!

– Hunter Benson, GEM Missionary–Kindergarten Teacher

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Ms. Kaitlyn’s Class Update

Since being here in Puerto, I have seen many of my students change in behavior–spiritually and academically. When I first started teaching my class of 6th graders in January, I had one student that was very closed-off and unwilling to listen at times. Over time, I really had it on my heart to start a relationship with her and show her Christ’s love in simple ways. I did not know exactly how this was going to work based on her not wanting to be around me all that much as well as not being able to get her to say anything to me even when asking her questions. Later on however,  I learned there were really big things going on in her home that would make anyone seem closed-off or sad at times. After praying many days over the situation myself and with other teachers, I knew that I needed to keep pursuing a relationship to share the Lord with her. I know I needed to simply check in on her everyday, no matter if I received a response or not.
After many months of asking simple questions like, “How are you today?How are you feeling? What did you do this weekend?”, I was able to finally get her to open up little by little. She has now started speaking up in class, coming to speak to us teachers at lunch, and even has started to let me just sit and talk to her about everyday life. Sometimes the things the Lord is working on in your classroom seem small and unnoticeable at times, but when it is something you have seen people pray over for months and you began to see the fruit of those prayers, it is absolutely amazing.

-GEM Missionary, Kaitlyn Summitt

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Teacher Testimony – Bailey + Derrick

Bailey and Derrick are missionaries who serve with GEM in Puerto Escondido, Mexico. Right before they left their traditional lives to move to Mexico, they got married. They both serve at our Manantial school–Bailey serves as a 3rd grade teacher and Derrick teaches Bible at the secondary.

Bailey and Derrick saw serving with GEM as missionaries more as an opportunity to practice and live out the great commission rather than living back home. Not that they couldn’t have used teaching in the States as a mission field, but they saw the Lord calling them to something more and wanted them to surrender their comforts, their family, and to start a life living on mission together…that looked like Mexico. Bailey and Derrick knew that this was the calling that God had placed in front of them. They knew that either way, whether it was living and working as teachers in the States or in Mexico, they would have been obedient. However, because of the position they were in as a young couple with no kids, and no true ties that said they couldn’t move, they thought, “why shouldn’t we move to a different country for at least two years to experience what ministry is like outside of the United States?” They wanted an all encompassing view of the gospel.

Both Bailey and Derrick have a passion for discipleship and they longed to be a part of a school that not only wants to build relationships with the students in the classroom, but a school that also invested in them outside the classroom. Moving to Mexico and serving with GEM was more of an opportunity that their hearts wanted to be a part of rather than just teaching anywhere. They wanted to make an investment in the community and learn the culture of Mexico.

Picking up your lives and moving to teach in a foreign country doesn’t come without its struggles. Bailey shared that one of the biggest and most apparent challenges was the language barrier. Any school that they could’ve been a part of would have most likely had ELLs (English Language Learners), but now teaching ELLs is her full-time job. She has been navigating learning how to teach the students and communicate in a way where both her and the students can understand. Through the language barrier, the Lord has taught her patience and love. As she is learning Spanish and the students are learning English, they are able to empathize with each other and support each other through it. One of the most difficult things that Derrick say he has come to learn is the difference in gospel fluency in the culture. In the United States, people at least know some of the books of the Bible. You can reference a story and they have some familiarity with it. In Mexico, it’s different. There are kids who have never heard the commonly known Bible studies before, nor do most of them know where the books of the Bible are. Derrick came in with much higher assumptions with how much of the Gospel they actually knew. He has even had students ask him what the Gospel is and what that word even means. This has restructured the way he has had to teach and share the stories of the Bible. He has to go into class teaching from the ground up, knowing that some of them have no knowledge of God and the Bible whatsoever. It has trained Derrick to slow down, break down the timeline, and dig into the context of each part of the Bible that he is teaching. This helps paint a much broader picture for the students who have never once heard the stories of the Bible.

In the midst of struggles and adapting to a new culture, the Lord does not hesitate to bestow His blessing upon those who step out in faith to serve Him. Bailey and Derrick share that they have been blessed in some of the most unexpected ways. One of the biggest blessings for the both of them has been the life change in each of their hearts. GEM gave them an opportunity to work and serve with the Lord in a way that they otherwise would not have had if they were just teaching in the States. The main thing that they have taken away from GEM is the fruit of their labor that they have seen and getting to see the impact that the Lord has on these kids through the work that the Lord has given Global Education Ministries to do. God has done a work in both of their hearts, and they feel like they have been challenged and pushed in new ways that they wouldn’t have apart from GEM. It has helped them grow a heart of gratitude and thankfulness in a whole new way as they have been living in a new culture. They express that they have realized all of the blessings that they have, even just in comparison to teaching in the States versus in Mexico. Bailey and Derrick also say they have benefited from all of the practical things they have learned through working within a ministry. They have learned how to steward God’s money well and how to function well with others who also serve within the ministry. They have had so many different life experiences that they never would have gotten without being a part of GEM. Getting to learn a different culture and at the same time growing significantly with the Lord has been one of the biggest blessings.

If you are inspired by this story and want to know how you might be able to serve with GEM, click the link below:

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Remembering the Big Picture

Being a missionary is not always easy and even when it feels easiest it is really some of the toughest times. I do not mean anything bad by this but it just takes intentionality to keep your focus on God and not let Satan tempt you. This is especially true when you are working for God in a new country. Working in another country with a language different from what you know is hard and you are far away from your comforts too.

One of the times that it is hard to not be able to speak the same language as my students is when I am teaching Bible. This is a time I really want my students to understand what I am saying although verses from the Bible can be hard to understand in your first language. This means I have to really simplify what I say during Bible time to help my students comprehend the topics we are discussing.

Not speaking the same language as my students has truly pushed me so hard in my teaching and my faith. In the classroom what I do to help my students understand in Bible class and others is use simple English and speak slowly. I also use some hand signals or act things out as well as other visuals like printed off pictures of things. Another thing that I do is use lots of repetition. My students repeat words after me that I believe are important and I repeat my direction many times. Also I review topics from previous lessons at the start of every class. Repetition is something I have found to be so beneficial and valuable for my students and we have done lots of review in our classes but they know it now and I can start them off counting and they will finish counting now.

Not speaking the same language as my students has pushed me in my faith because I am not always sure what they are saying on going through. This is hard because I am not sure how I can help them best or what I can say that they will understand to help counsel them. To help me and my students with this I have started to pray more intentionally. I pray for students by name and what I have noticed about their personality, academics, or their families. I do not know everything they may be going through but I know that God does and He hears even our unspoken prayer requests. I give each student and their worries to God because He knows them better than I will.

As I have been praying intentionally for my students it helps to remind me especially on my hard days of why I am here. I am not here to be far away, I am not not here to take a tour of the town, I am not here for a stamp in my passport, and I could go on and on. I am here to not just teach but show God’s love to these students, their families, and their community. This can take work sometimes to let go of my bad days and fully give them to God so that I can teach and live with the right attitude. Not just on my bad days but on my good days too when I just want to be at the beach I need to be intentional and continue to pray to God and pray for my students.

Sometimes in the States, in Mexico, or just in my classroom I have good days and I have bad days but no matter the day it is important to pray. The big picture is that one day we will all be able to go home to God’s kingdom and we want to make sure that the way we live glorifies Him and put the Gospel on display of others to see as well. There is always someone watching the choices you make especially as a teacher so it is important that we live and love the way God would. It will be an amazing day when we are all by God’s side and surrounded by so many people who we know and love.

– Sydni Williams, GEM Missionary

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Are You a Missionary?

Are you a missionary? If you follow Jesus, the answer is yes! Jesus lived His life on a mission to preach the Gospel of the Kingdom of God. In Luke 4:18-19, Jesus reads a prophecy from Isaiah and declares it fulfilled. He says, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” God the Father anointed Jesus with the Holy Spirit, to announce the coming of God’s Kingdom. In God’s Kingdom, all people can know God and enter His presence, where they find freedom and healing. However, this is only possible through Jesus. Because of Jesus’s sacrifice, we are made holy and able to enter God’s presence, and because of His resurrection, we are set free and no longer live as slaves of sin and evil! All we have to do is come to Him. Have you been set free from sin and evil in your life? What do you need to bring to the Lord today?  

Right before Jesus ascended into Heaven, His disciples asked Him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight” (Acts 1:6b-8). The disciples were thinking as we humans do. They wanted to see the physical Kingdom of Israel restored. They wanted Jesus to stay on earth and live as the King of Israel. But the Father had much bigger plans for Jesus. Jesus is the King of all and His reign will last forever. And yet, God called Jesus back to be with Him and chose to use His human disciples to submit to His rule and share the Good News of the Kingdom with people of all nations! And that’s where we come in. Jesus has sent the Holy Spirit to live within us— leading us and empowering us to be effective witnesses! We are all called “to proclaim good news to the poor…, to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, and to set the oppressed free” (Luke 4:18).

God has a purpose for each of us while we are here on Earth. Do you know your purpose? What is God calling you to do now? How can you share the Gospel of salvation, healing, and freedom with your family, friends, neighbors, and enemies? The Holy Spirit led me to teach as a missionary in Mexico. I am so blessed to be a part of the team at “La Luz,” where the teachers live out the Gospel daily through prayer, service, study, and worship together as One Body. We pray together for God’s will to be done in our school and the lives of our students before and after school and in the evenings. We share the Gospel with students in classes, visit with their families, and share with other people we meet as God leads us. You can be a missionary too! Even if you are not called to move overseas, God has still given you His Holy Spirit to lead you and empower you to serve those around you. If you follow Jesus, you are a missionary. Let’s pray that God will give us His eyes to see those who are in need and give us wisdom, discernment, and power to share the Gospel effectively and to usher in God’s healing and freedom into this broken world.

– Heather Hall, GEM Missionary

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Simple Truths

Every morning, I teach Kinder 1, 2 and 3 Bible class and it is often a highlight of my day. For some of my kids, it is the first time that they have ever heard about Jesus or heard the Bible read to them so it is a really unique opportunity for me. For others, it is a time for them to connect what the Bible teaches and understand how the stories are real and true in our lives today.  I love teaching these kids Bible because they look at the world with wonder, curiosity and often have a zest for life. They tell me stories about what is happening in their lives and their adventures in Spanish, even if I don’t fully understand them. They often ask questions about little details in the stories because they are so curious. They have their minds open to believing in God, most of them have not experienced doubt or the lies of the devil yet. They want to believe in Jesus and want to know more about Him and pray to Him. It is so encouraging to my heart to witness them growing in faith. 

It has also been a blessing to me to teach these stories again, as I am learning so many simple but profound truths about God and the gospel in each one. In the last quarter, we talked about the Creation story, Adam and Eve in the garden, Cain and Abel, Noah’s ark and the Tower of Babel. I grew up hearing these stories so they are very familiar to me, but teaching them in a simple way that the kids will understand has been challenging and so encouraging. For example, when we talked about Noah’s ark, we weren’t only talking about how God had a plan to save Noah in the flood, but we also talked about Noah’s obedience to God when others were unfaithful and doubted. We talked about why God flooded the earth – because he needed to wash the sin. I related that truth to the previous lesson when we talked about confessing our sin with Adam and Eve in the garden. We did an exercise where we drew a heart on a whiteboard, and then wrote down sins in the heart. I asked the kids if there is enough room for Jesus in this heart with all the bad words in it and the answer was no. I told them that the solution was to go to God and say, “I am sorry. Please forgive me” and that God wipes away the sin, as we wiped away the words of sin in the heart. The kids understood the concept of asking for forgiveness and being forgiven and then we saw a clean fresh heart again. The following week, we talked about Cain and Abel and how we need to obey God with a joyful heart. After that, we learned about Noah’s ark and how Noah obeyed God with a joyful and trusting heart, even when others did not. We talked about why God needed to flood the earth – to wash away all the sin in the world. And we finished talking about how God always keeps his promises – He promised to keep Noah and his family safe in the ark, and he promised to never flood the earth again with the rainbow. God promised that instead of flooding the earth to wash away sin, he would send a Saviour to earth to wash away sin once and for all. The following week we talked about the Tower of Babel, and how the people could not get to heaven by their own work. The people didn’t need a tower to get to Heaven, they needed a Saviour – Jesus. 

All of these lessons are so profound but also simple enough that a child can understand them. Praise God for the magnificence of his Word! Teaching these gospel truths has been a blessing to me and to the kids and I am so grateful for these opportunities. I pray that God will use these lessons as they grow older, that they will treasure these simple truths in their hearts and continue to yearn for Christ.

– Lorissa Van Gurp, GEM Missionary

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God’s Way Over Mine

I recently had my students watch a movie on the famous book Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan. The movie is a cartoon version of the book from 1678, that has been simplified for children. For those that are not familiar with the story, a man named Christian Pilgrim finds a book embarking him on a journey to Celestial City. The story follows Christian’s endeavor to Celestial City where he faces trials, hardship, ridicule, and poor advice along the way. The journey that Christian endures is similar to what happens to the believer in preparation for Christ’s return to the New Heaven and New Earth. The cartoon version helps students comprehend concepts that many adults scarcely understand about their own faith. 

In Pilgrim’s Progress, Christian comes across a place called Legality Hill. On this hill, Christian is tempted to remove his load and heavy burden, freeing him up  from having to make the long journey ahead. When Christian arrives at the mountain he is faced by many rules that are all in contradiction to one another. The man on the mountain tells Christian that in order to climb up he must keep and adhere to all of the rules. As he climbs further and further up,  the rules become more challenging to keep and Christian becomes so overwhelmed and falls to the ground. 

The message behind this story is so powerful. Just like Christian Pilgrim, and the hardship he endured on Legality Hill, there is so much that can be learned from his example. Commandments that come from man will never save, no matter how many rules or regulations are placed on your life.  Only the teachings of Jesus will truly set you free from man’s form of commandments aka legality. 

John 8:31-32 tells us that when we continue in His word, we are truly disciples of Christ. By staying in the Word of God we will know the truth and that truth will set us free. Take a look at the Great Commission passage in Matthew 28:18-20. While many know the lines, “Go and make disciples of all nations…” few know why we do that. Verse 18 is the reason behind why we go and make disciples of Christ, that is because through his death he has been given ALL authority over heaven and earth. That means that everything we do and all things that happen are under the authority of Christ. That is why we go and make because our King has power over all things! The passion and resurrection of Jesus end with a commission to his disciples to carry on that same ministry, in the light of the cross, the empty tomb, and the triumphant vindication and exaltation of the risen Lord. 

The challenge behind being a missionary is seeing the grand narrative of the gospel from the trials of life. After just the time that I have been in Mexico there have been hardships that took my eyes away from the Great Commission. Like Christian, I found myself distracted by the world. I was reminded that while the journey is difficult the reward will always be Christ. My encouragement to you is to continue throughout the trials by doing things God’s way,  never settling for the things of this world. 

– Derrick Wood, GEM Missionary

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God’s Great Love

Before coming to Mexico to serve at Manantial, I had never left Brazil. And even though I had seen different places and cultures in my home country, nothing can compare to the experience of knowing and being part of a community here in Puerto Escondido.

There’s so much beauty and richness in recognizing God’s great creation and how He manifests his glory through his creation. And even more than that, building relationships with other brothers and sisters in faith to impact the community we’re in is also so powerful and invigorating to our faith.

On my friend’s daughter birthday I was invited to make tamales, a special Mexican dish that requires many hours of work to prepare. And in this unique experience of watching her mixing the corn dough for hours while I separated the best parts of the cooked chicken I couldn’t stop thinking of how much effort it is to prepare this dish… Wouldn’t it be easier to buy it ready or make something else? Probably, but this whole process of preparing the dough, selecting the meat, cooking the sauce, spreading the dough with the meat and folding it with banana leaves made it so valuable and appreciated by the birthday girl. I feel convicted that the effort this family put into this activity just shows a part of the love they have for this 10 year old. How much more would God also love her?

In a comparison, God also pursued us and made a great effort to show his great love. He gave his only son to die on a cross for our sins, and not only this, he resurrected to be the first of many in this new and  holy life God has for his children. He still pursues us to show his great love while correcting us and turning our ways away from sin and death. And just like this family considered all that work worth for the love for their daughters, God shows me once again that all the sacrifice was worth for having us as his children.

In unique experiences like this, I feel so grateful for God’s grace in showing me over again that the manifestations of his love are found in every heart that is opened, in every culture and every family that welcomes him. And going further than that, I’m grateful because just like this family invited me to be a part of this celebration, God has me here in this community to manifest his love for those who live here.

“In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us (Colossians 3:11)”

– Jady Vaneli, GEM Missionary

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Living Outside of Comfort

This past year was spent in a lot of prayer, specifically about where the Lord was going to lead me to teach after I graduated college, and in what ways He was going to lead me to share the Gospel in the years to come. I figured my mission field was going to be teaching middle school and serving with youth in a town I was familiar with. Well, that wasn’t exactly what the Lord had in store for me. Throughout high school, I was able to go on many short term mission trips to Nicaragua and the Lord began to give me a heart for sharing the Gospel in places that were out of my comfort zone and normal context. I left from those trips always thinking that short term missions were all that I would ever do and the Lord wasn’t calling me to do that full time. The more I prayed where the Lord wanted me, He began to surround me with people that were very mission minded like my sweet friend Sarah Beth Moore who also works for GEM. I watched her go through the process with GEM when she signed her contract and then she mentioned to me that they were looking for teachers. I was very interested, yet was also believing the lies that I wasn’t cut out to be a missionary. Sarah Beth then mentioned just talking to someone from the ministry before I gave up on the whole thing and so she connected me to someone who helped me realize how at home these people made me feel. After that first conversation I was still very nervous about committing the next two year of my life to living in a foreign country, so I backed away and prayed about decisions involving GEM. I still was worried about whether I was worthy and capable of this kinda thing.

In May of this year, God gave me complete peace and reconnected me with GEM after talking to my parents about it more. He was able to recultivate my heart for missions and gave me a passion for teaching students through the Gospel woven curriculum – which was one of the biggest things that drew me into this ministry as a whole. Once I met some of the other staff, I realized that these were people the Lord was placing in my life to be able to have a support system in Mexico while adjusting to the culture and being away from family and friends.

       The Lord has shown me so much through this process and has taught me to depend more upon Him. He has shown me that He has been leading me to this place and ministry all along and will equip me with His word and grace as I go and be obedient to His calling.  I’ve always heard that you grow when you are outside of your comfort zone and remain complacent in places that you feel comfortable. I strive to stay in a place where the Lord is challenging and growing me for the glory of His kingdom in ways that would never happen if I lived in the bounds of my own comfort.

– Kaitlyn Summitt, GEM Missionary

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FAITH: Fantastic Adventure in Trusting Him

My decision to join Global Education Ministries was made in one night. When I first met the recruiters for GEM, I told them I was planning on staying in Arizona and teaching at a school here. That had always been the plan. I wasn’t even going to attend their informational meeting later that night, but I ended up getting off work at eight, the exact time their meeting started. I wasn’t allowed to eat at work and they had food at the meeting. For a college student accepting free food is a no-brainer.

Once I got to the meeting, it was like God was talking directly to me with everything the GEM recruiters said. GEM’s teaching philosophy aligned directly with my own, and I suddenly wanted to be a part of this ministry. I think I ended up staying and talking for nearly three hours. By the end of the night, my decision was made. Though I still had to apply, interview, and be accepted for the job, in my heart I was committed. But what could have possibly convinced me to move 1,000 miles to a place I’d never been, where they speak a language I don’t know, and try to fit into a culture I didn’t understand in one night? Simple: It was God leading me to do so.

That is the short story of how I decided to join GEM. The longer story is really more about me learning to trust God. If I didn’t trust God, I wouldn’t have even considered GEM,  so this really is a big part of my story:

I was raised in an amazing Christian family and came to know Christ when I was just three years old. As a young child, I felt like my faith was strong but as I got older, it grew weak. I never fell away from the faith in any visible way. In fact, I tried desperately to grow closer to God by doing good works and being as perfect as possible, but He just felt so distant. So I settled for relying on God for salvation and relying on myself for every other part of my life. Yes, I need God and Jesus for salvation, but the rest of my life? I thought I had it figured out and there was no need for them. I believed I didn’t need God’s help or anyone else’s. I had it all under control.  However, anyone watching me would have thought I was a sold-out follower of Christ, but everything I did was for show; I was trying to prove I didn’t need God to control my life.  I lived this way all the way from high school to my junior year of college. Then God got my attention in a big and very painful way.

Junior year, I went through a very difficult breakup. It was my first ever relationship and I made a lot of mistakes. I was consumed with shame because of those mistakes and went into a shame spiral. 2 Corinthians 7:10 states, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Godly sorrow is guilt, which I had felt, but after I repented, I had not embraced God’s forgiveness, so I lived in worldly sorrow and shame and it completely destroyed me emotionally and spiritually. I felt like I couldn’t even come to God with all the sin separating us. A few weeks after the break-up, I ended up in the emergency room with intense pain. There in my helplessness, I was wrecked by shame, was spiritually dead, and was in the most pain of my life.

Finally, I gave up and gave everything to God. I had five hours to think and pray in the emergency room. I gave God control over every part of my life, not just my salvation. At this point in the story, people expect to hear that my pain was miraculously healed, I was freed from shame, and mentally and spiritually perfect again. None of that happened. I was still in pain, still grappling with the fall-out of my relationship; basically a complete and total mess in every sense of the word. But, I felt God’s presence in a way I never had before. I suddenly knew that God was there in that room with me and would continue to be there for me wherever I needed Him. Nothing changed, yet at the same time everything changed. God’s presence is the most powerful thing I’ve ever experienced.

Throughout the rest of that year and the beginning of the next, I was forced to live in that power every day. I had ongoing health issues that resulted in constant pain and emotional issues. Between student teaching and the library at my school I was working 50 hours a week, which usually wouldn’t be an issue, but in pain, it was exhausting. I needed to rely on God and use his strength every hour, of every minute, of every day. And you know what? He provided every hour, of every minute, of every day. Never once did he fail me. He always gave me enough strength for that day. Not for the month or the week, but for that day. So every day I had to keep coming back to him.  I’m notoriously stubborn so it took 4 months of total reliance on God to cement my trust in Him. At the end of that 4 months was when I committed to GEM. I have no idea what will happen in Mexico. The only thing I do know is God will be there with me and for me no matter where I go, so my faith is in Him and only Him. I am so excited for this Fantastic Adventure In Trusting God.

– Mattie Napoletano, GEM Missionary