My decision to join Global Education Ministries was made in one night. When I first met the recruiters for GEM, I told them I was planning on staying in Arizona and teaching at a school here. That had always been the plan. I wasn’t even going to attend their informational meeting later that night, but I ended up getting off work at eight, the exact time their meeting started. I wasn’t allowed to eat at work and they had food at the meeting. For a college student accepting free food is a no-brainer.
Once I got to the meeting, it was like God was talking directly to me with everything the GEM recruiters said. GEM’s teaching philosophy aligned directly with my own, and I suddenly wanted to be a part of this ministry. I think I ended up staying and talking for nearly three hours. By the end of the night, my decision was made. Though I still had to apply, interview, and be accepted for the job, in my heart I was committed. But what could have possibly convinced me to move 1,000 miles to a place I’d never been, where they speak a language I don’t know, and try to fit into a culture I didn’t understand in one night? Simple: It was God leading me to do so.
That is the short story of how I decided to join GEM. The longer story is really more about me learning to trust God. If I didn’t trust God, I wouldn’t have even considered GEM, so this really is a big part of my story:
I was raised in an amazing Christian family and came to know Christ when I was just three years old. As a young child, I felt like my faith was strong but as I got older, it grew weak. I never fell away from the faith in any visible way. In fact, I tried desperately to grow closer to God by doing good works and being as perfect as possible, but He just felt so distant. So I settled for relying on God for salvation and relying on myself for every other part of my life. Yes, I need God and Jesus for salvation, but the rest of my life? I thought I had it figured out and there was no need for them. I believed I didn’t need God’s help or anyone else’s. I had it all under control. However, anyone watching me would have thought I was a sold-out follower of Christ, but everything I did was for show; I was trying to prove I didn’t need God to control my life. I lived this way all the way from high school to my junior year of college. Then God got my attention in a big and very painful way.
Junior year, I went through a very difficult breakup. It was my first ever relationship and I made a lot of mistakes. I was consumed with shame because of those mistakes and went into a shame spiral. 2 Corinthians 7:10 states, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” Godly sorrow is guilt, which I had felt, but after I repented, I had not embraced God’s forgiveness, so I lived in worldly sorrow and shame and it completely destroyed me emotionally and spiritually. I felt like I couldn’t even come to God with all the sin separating us. A few weeks after the break-up, I ended up in the emergency room with intense pain. There in my helplessness, I was wrecked by shame, was spiritually dead, and was in the most pain of my life.
Finally, I gave up and gave everything to God. I had five hours to think and pray in the emergency room. I gave God control over every part of my life, not just my salvation. At this point in the story, people expect to hear that my pain was miraculously healed, I was freed from shame, and mentally and spiritually perfect again. None of that happened. I was still in pain, still grappling with the fall-out of my relationship; basically a complete and total mess in every sense of the word. But, I felt God’s presence in a way I never had before. I suddenly knew that God was there in that room with me and would continue to be there for me wherever I needed Him. Nothing changed, yet at the same time everything changed. God’s presence is the most powerful thing I’ve ever experienced.
Throughout the rest of that year and the beginning of the next, I was forced to live in that power every day. I had ongoing health issues that resulted in constant pain and emotional issues. Between student teaching and the library at my school I was working 50 hours a week, which usually wouldn’t be an issue, but in pain, it was exhausting. I needed to rely on God and use his strength every hour, of every minute, of every day. And you know what? He provided every hour, of every minute, of every day. Never once did he fail me. He always gave me enough strength for that day. Not for the month or the week, but for that day. So every day I had to keep coming back to him. I’m notoriously stubborn so it took 4 months of total reliance on God to cement my trust in Him. At the end of that 4 months was when I committed to GEM. I have no idea what will happen in Mexico. The only thing I do know is God will be there with me and for me no matter where I go, so my faith is in Him and only Him. I am so excited for this Fantastic Adventure In Trusting God.
– Mattie Napoletano, GEM Missionary